Self-Confidence: How Do I Get Some?
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by: alanden
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For example: A man wants to be an extreme fighter, so he gets a manager and takes lessons. His manager will not setup a bout for him until he has built up enough stamina and skill. And even then, the manager will only put him up against an opponent that he knows his fighter can pound. When his fighter beats the competitor, he is successful, and starts to gain a feeling of faith in his capability.
With each combat, the manager puts his warrior up against an opponent who is only a slightly better competitor then the last, but not good enough to beat his man. By the end of the third fight, the young man begins to expect to win his fourth, and so his confidence continues to flourish. This scenario continues to repeat itself. And as long as the man wins, his expectations of success, and his feelings of self-confidence will continue to flourish.
If a person who has a long history of success and feelings of self-confidence does fail, they still tend to expect success the next time out. Conversely, when a person who is weak in the self-confidence department fails, they tend to lose confidence, and begin to expect failure, which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Even if an individual has true self-confidence, it doesn't mean that they will be successful at everything. People, who have true self-confidence, usually have expectations that are sensible. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves.
People, who are not self-confident, tend to depend disproportionately on the agreement of others in order to feel self-esteem. They tend to avoid taking risks because they fear failure. They belittle themselves and tend to discount or ignore compliments that they do receive.
Conversely, self-assured people are willing to risk the disapproval of others because they generally rely on their own qualifications. Just because a person does not have confidence, it does not mean that he/she doesn't have abilities. A lack of self-confidence is often the result of concentrating totally on the unreal expectancy of other people, especially parents and friends. The importance of peers can be more powerful than those of parents in shaping the feelings about one's self.
Assumptions That Continue to Influence Self-Confidence
In response to external influences, people develop assumptions; some of these are positive and some are negative. Several assumptions that can interfere with self-confidence and better ways of thinking are:
ASSUMPTION: I must always be successful at every challenge I undertake. This is unrealistic. In life, everyone has his/her strengths and weaknesses. While it's important to learn to do the best that one can, it's more important to learn to accept the self as being human, and fallible. Feel good about what you are good at, and accept the fact that no one knows everything nor are they an expert at everything.
ASSUMPTION: I must be perfect, and loved by everyone, and satisfy everyone. Again, this is unrealistic. All human beings are imperfect. It's better to develop personal standards and values that are not completely dependent on the approval of others.
ASSUMPTION: Everything that happened to me in the past remains in control of my feelings and behaviors in the present.
ALTERNATIVE: While it is true that your confidence was especially vulnerable to external influences when you were a very young child, as you mature, you can gain appreciation and a new slant on what those influences have been. In doing so, you can choose which influences you will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You don't have to be helpless based on what happened in the past.
HERE ARE SOME STRATEGIES FOR DEVELOPING CONFIDENCE
Emphasize Your Strengths. Give yourself credit for everything you can do. And grant yourself recognition for every new adventure that you are willing to experience.
Take risks. Adopt the point of view of: I never fail, because there are NO failures. However, sometimes I learn what doesn't work, and once I've learned what doesn't work in a given situation, I can try some other action.
Use Self-Talk: Use self-talk as a technique to counter harmful assumptions. Then, tell yourself to stop. Substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, when you catch yourself expecting perfection, remind yourself that it's impossible to do everything perfectly, and that it's only possible to do things to the best of your ability. This allows you to accept yourself as you are working towards improvement.
Make mental movies: Visualize yourself in the various scenarios that you currently lack confidence in. But see yourself behaving as like a person who has tremendous self-confidence would. There are many effective NLP and self-hypnosis methods that will build a huge amount of self-confidence from within your subconscious mind. There are even NLP techniques that will let you take confidence that you do have in areas of your life, and then transplant that confidence to areas of your life that are lacking confidence!
Self-Evaluate: Learn to judge yourself as an individual. refrain from the frequent sense of chaos that comes from relying too much on the opinions of others.
Article Source: http://articles-collections.com
About the Author
Alan B. Densky, CH is a certified hypnotherapist and NLP Practitioner. His website offers self hypnosis CD's for self-confidence. His Self-confidence CD's were recently reviewed by Personal-Development info in England. Visit him for Free hypnosis & NLP newsletters and MP3s.
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